Betty ford says i'm here all night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want a musical about memes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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