I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
