I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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