Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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