There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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