She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
