were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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