I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
