When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
