highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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