I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
