you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
