eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you never un-have a 4some
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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