I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
