Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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