from now on my penis is your penis
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
