He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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