You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
