Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize