Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
