You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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