Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
