filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
