My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
