Someone shit on the floor
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
