I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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