Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
