I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
