Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
