he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
one two three fourrrrnication!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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