I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
