there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
