1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
