Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
