Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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