I threw up into my coffee this morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
