The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
