Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
two words...techno handjob
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
