It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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