this beer tastes like vomit already
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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