8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
