You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
