No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
