Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
