Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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