I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
