That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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