Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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