i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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