Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
