If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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