Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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