and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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