Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
