and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
