Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
