Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
