highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
