it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
