Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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