im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
