I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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