Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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