You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
