So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
