Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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