i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
