Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
