I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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